On New Year's Projects

New Year, new household projects, am I right? Something about the dark slumber of December is a breeding ground for new project ideas, usually initiated by your significant other.

I’m no handyman; I know just enough to be dangerous. And I mean DANGEROUS. Watch me sweat, wondering why the electrical wiring diagram for my new light fixture doesn’t match what I unearthed behind the ancient one installed by the previous tenant’s grandpa post-War. The first one. Or when I can’t find a stud anywhere in the wall —the stud finder worked when I used it on myself— (ba dum tss). Why is there brick right behind the drywall? I’m just trying to hang some art. Sorry landlord.

All jokes aside, the New Year really is a great time to accomplish some lingering projects around the house. Remember the feeling as a kid when you moved your bed to a different spot and rearranged your room? The transformation, akin to an adventure within the confines of your own four walls, renews a sense of enthusiasm for your living space. While we might not experience the enthusiasm to the same level as a child (the pains of getting older), a fresh coat of paint, de-cluttering, and some new decorations can help start the year on the right foot.

This year, we went full Marie Kondo on our closets, giving many clothes a new home. Most were still in good condition, so those were either donated to Salvation Army or Goodwill, or went to local consignment stores. Others that might be considered unwearable, or at least unsellable, went to local textile recycling. Please, whatever you do, don’t just throw away old clothes. Even old, torn, slightly stained clothing and bedding can be recycled and reprocessed, used in things like filling for furniture, insulation, or even blankets and beds for new puppies at shelters, who will inevitably soil them during potty-training. Do it for the puppies.

Now that the closets were devoid of all extraneous clothing, we could clearly see the walls inside in all their pallid-yellow glory. Did the previous tenant/landlord really paint that color? Or was that white to begin with, and age or God knows what spawned this sickly hue? Whatever the answer, it had to go. Luckily, as we’ve repainted over many of the previous tenant’s poor choices, we had a few cans of white paint in various shades on hand.

Walls painted. Old, sagging wood closet rods replaced with new heavy-duty chrome poles. A refreshed display of numerous shoes. Our closets now reminiscent of a SoHo boutique, we realize we missed one. There’s another in dire shape looking longingly, if not slightly jealously, on the shiny new closets. The linen closet.

Easy to overlook, this closet houses 40 metric-tons of makeup and beauty supplies, and a few towels. If it were possible to see the back wall, it would either hold a door leading to Narnia, or be the same sickly yellow clinging to its last raspy, dying breath.

With all the contents displaced and now occupying a corner of my office (thank you virtual backgrounds) we can now debate our options. Who knew there were so many shelving options? A trip to Ikea —V’s first time ever and my first in 15+ years— and we are the proud owners of easy-to-install modern shelving. Once home, this shelving will sit in a corner barely past the front door, casting condescending looks in our direction each time we choose to watch a movie in lieu of installing it.

Finally, motivation will strike like a pop-up thunderstorm at 11 PM, I’ll decide to unwrap one of the forty-seven pieces in the kit and begin the installation. The first shelf fits perfectly. By itself. With the mounting hardware? Maybe if it was summer and the building expanded a millimeter in the heat. Alas, as any guy can attest to, you can’t beat shrinkage in a cold Michigan winter, and that closet just wouldn’t budge.

And now it’s looking like that New-Year’s project will soon turn into a Spring-cleaning project.